Regardless of how positive we are, how strong we are, or how much faith we have…we all have a breaking point.
And by breaking point I mean that exact point in which we can barely breathe because the weight of the crap we carry inside starts creeping up, it feels overwhelming…and the load is impossible to carry!
It’s not one thing or the other, but the combination of big issues and insignificant shit that becomes a mountain and starts to press down hard until we can’t see the way out…it can swallow us faster than quick sand!
Not to sound dramatic, I’m normally the “half the glass full” kind, however, as strong as I can be, now and then I broke down and a black cloud stations above my head like a bad omen and everything goes to hell…LITERALLY!
Today is one of those cloudy days. These past couple of weeks have been rougher than normal, a friend is fighting for his life at the hospital and it really hit me hard. Work is work and that’s that…Antoinette, my daughter, a few months after an ankle surgery, needs to go under the knife again, her ankle got worst and things are getting tougher for her, and it breaks my heart…to top it all off, my sweet cat Boo came back positive for feline leukemia, the same damn disease that took our baby Tammy from us…and all because I didn’t make the time to take him to get his vaccine…and I’m hating myself for that! Yes, I have decided to take the blame, I’m taking it as personal as I can!!!
I’m afraid, angry, exhausted, empty. I feel so useless, so helpless…how much more am I to endure?
“PRAYER…when life gets to hard to stand…kneel”
that’s what the paperweight on my desk advises…
I’m really trying here…
I know it may sound stupid, I know that a bunch of people have it worst, I’m aware…but this is me…with my strengths and my weaknesses, with my good qualities and my infinite flaws, with my confidence and my fears…this is me and if I can’t write about my feelings, good, bad or ugly, then what’s left for me to write about?
Today was a good day to cry and I did…crying cleans your soul from the inside out…it releases stress and makes you sleepy…and sleep is great on cloudy days, weather related or not…sleep always helps!!!
My positive attitude and my strong character will wake up by my side once again tomorrow morning, like they always do…and I’ll be okay, I’M ALWAYS OKAY…that’s me, I know how to be okay, I had to learn early in my life and had been a great survival tool ever since.
I’m a tough girl…just gotta shake it off!
Note: In case you are reading this and wondering, I DO count my blessings every day…I’m grateful for the wonderful things in my life…I’m just having a rough day and writing-it-out helps!
spanglish letters 